Realization.

Today is the first day i have every cried in the shower..
You know when you just start to think about life..all the changes happening?
I started to think in the shower when i saw my pregnant tummy..and started to cry.
My whole life is changed..and in a little over a month i will have a baby to prove it.
I am no longer a little girl who can get away with anything..I am a mommy.
I have responsibilities..and it's so scary.
So many things run through my mind when i think about motherhood.
My mom, Isaiah, will i be a good mom?, the future, God..hope..faith.
I will be the lady in church having to leave every 2 minutes because her little boy is crying, or i will be the one standing by the door rocking him so he won't cry..
Just trying to grasp the thought is hard enough..how will i actually do it?
These thoughts..they run through my head all the time. But i never actually cry over them..just try and think of something else.. But today i did. It was nice to break down a little bit..I am tired of holding it in..

I will be strong..i will. I need hope for the future..a new beginning..
I need to trust in God..why is it so hard??
Elijah William..you're my new beginning.. <3