Family.

When i was 12 years old, i was placed in a foster home.
I was raised in more than one environment..Hotels, camping, trailer, a house for about 2 years..a "fixer upper". I was used to not having a dishwater or any water at all. I was used to no electricity and ciphering gas out of other vehicles in the junk yard. It was my life. It was my families life..and i had no complaints.
As i got older, my mother began to date and she had boyfriend on and off. It was nothing new to me. I was the mommas girl out of the three sisters i had, and i loved helping her fix things and go grocery shopping. She was my hero, my love. These boyfriends of hers got in the way often, helping her do things instead of me. So, i decided to get a job at age 11. I started picking blackberries and raspberries and selling them. Business was good for an 11 year old, about $35 a week. Not bad for no bills or responsibilities. I fell in love with it, and ended up spending most of my days in fields picking them while my three sisters went to play with the boys across the field.
I never had friends when i was young really, because i always stayed home and helped my mom. So i had all this time to myself. It was nice, i guess. But, i missed having my mom to myself..bad.

Things went downhill and her boyfriend and her would fight constantly, not doing a good job of hiding it..Then, eventually there would be physical fights, where us girls would get hurt. It was a rough part of my childhood, yes, but i would never ever look down on my mother for it. It was not her fault her boyfriends were crazy and liked to hit, right? It wasn't her fault that she was so in love with them that she let them come back each time, right? Wrong..and it took me 5 years to realize that. 5 years..No longer little Chrissy anymore.

When i think of her i think of all the fun times i had with her. Helping her at roofing jobs and fixing up the cars. I don't think about the boyfriends who hit, the hotels we had to live in, the no electricity so we would go to school with 2 different shoes on. I don't think about the bad..because all the bad is what made me who i am today. All the bad i had to face when i was younger and made such an impact on me, i learn from it each and every day. I know what not to do when my lil' guy comes..i know how to say no, and set boundaries now..
I forgave her..it took so much to do so. I felt like she was a fake, someone who was just pretending to be my hero, yet got my sisters and i in all these bad situations, let us live at her friends houses while bad people were there..I felt like she was just putting on a mask, and maybe she was..
It doesn't matter anymore though..She is my mother. My hero. I love her more than i could ever love anyone on this earth. She went through a lot as a child as well, and now having her 4 babies taken from her arms..it is hell for her. She is strong, brave and loving..and i will never look down on her..
I love you mom. Always. Everything happens for some sort of reason or another..and i think this happened for a reason..This changed my life forever in good. Thank you..

I love you mommy..for being my mom. I learned a lot from you, and will continue to do so..Tough times will never break the love we have for each other. I promise.

Love you, mommy. <3