Sit back, relax.

Sounds easy, hu? Just sit back, relax. Don't worry about anything..Let it all come to you.
People tell me that all the time. "Stop trying so hard..It's not worth it in the end."
You are right, easier said than done. I have had my share of being hurt or let down. I push people away when they get too close to knowing me too well, I speak my mind and I'll let you know if I don't like what you're doing..I am a good person. I am fragile, vulnerable, and lost. I long for direction.

My life has flipped upside down since last year. I ran away from my foster home, lost site of the Lord, went into a very dark place I called love, a loving family took me in, I got pregnant, I went through many trials during pregnancy, fell in love with the Lord, had my son, graduated within 6 weeks, started college, and moved out..It's insane. Now, in my life, I am losing people I care about, and I have no motivation to try and hold onto them. College is going downhill, and I couldn't care less..I am looking for love in ALL the wrong places, I put on this fake smile, I give give give and keep getting NOTHING in return, I am convinced praying does not help me, I am hurting and I have no one to talk to...No one to run to.

My twin just moved back to the town I live in, thank God, and I have been spending so much time with my sisters and old friends..It makes me happy, they make me happy...Then, I think about going back to my old ways. Wasn't so bad, was it? I mean, I have great friends and sisters..But, the friends that really REALLY matter are drifting away, and I am doing nothing about it..


"Just sit back, and relax...It will all fall into place.."

Now would be great.

What it all comes down to..

When you are rejected, when you are hurt..When someone gives you so much hope and takes it all away. Your weakest moments are documented for all to see..Your heart is broken and no one seems to want to fix it. When you want something so so bad..And excuses are what holds you from it..Life, is what holds you from it..

Just forget about it..Pretend like nothing ever happened.

Push it all to the side, and move on..Make a new beginning, start all over again.

This is so hard to do, forgetting when you don't want to.

I am on the edge, and I am barely breathing..Save me. Heal me..This hurting, this rejection won't stop following me. It never goes away..

Happy for a few days that things are going great, then all hell breaks loose.

It's insane, and I know I deserve better. I know there IS better.

I just have not found it yet..

Open up my eyes to the things unseen..

I am here..Come and rescue me. Show me where to turn to, bring loving hearts and faithful eyes into my life. You are all I want. You are all I need.

I surrender to Your love.

I keep looking for love, for happiness..And I keep getting hurt, thrown to the side.

I tend to forget, look past the fact that You are all I need..

All the love You give me is what I need, You make me happy..

I don't need this pain and rejection any longer..

All I need is You. Help me to remember this.